Question:
B"H
Kavod haRav,
Thank you for your help. My question is regarding someone who is bal teshuva, and before becoming observant, did things that carry the punishment of karet. If they do teshuva to the best of their ability, completely stop the behavior (for years already) and basically change their life in significant ways once they learned what was expected of them (keeping kosher, keeping Shabbat, etc), will such a person after 120 be judged with the full din of karet? As I try to go higher and do better, it really bothers me that I simply did not know what karet was when I was younger and would not have made such mistakes had I known better (the best evidence being that when I learned better, I made those changes). How can a bal teshuva unburden the guilt and grief of past mistakes even after having done extensive teshuva for the mistakes? Thanks very much.
Answer:
Hello,
Teshuva helps for all aveiros, and the fact that you have changed, shows Hashem that you are serious about your teshuva. It is important to remember that it is Hashem who makes the rules, and if he said that doing teshuva helps, we believe it. Often a baal teshuva, will be attacked by the yetzer hora, who will whisper in his ear, you are no good because of what you did when you were younger, and you are really doomed. The yetzer hora wants to place improper guilt on you in order to discourage you from climbing higher, and growing. In the bracha of “Haskiveinu” (said during maariv and kriyas shema al hamitta) we ask Hashem to remove the Satan from in front of us and in back of us. The question is asked, that it is understood that the Satan will stand in front of you when we want to do a mitzva, and he will try to stop us. But what does it mean that he is in back of us? One of the answers given, is that after a person does an aveiro the Satan, attack him with all sorts of invalid guilt feelings. “Your no good, and you ruined your neshoma, and it will never be the same”. Then he can go to the next stage, once your anyways no good, what is the difference if you do some more aveiros. For this we ask Hashem to take away the Satan before and after us. Therefore the best thing for you to do now is to concentrate on all that you have done to move forward, and forget about your past. That was you, it isn’t you now. Now you are different. Additionally, you can daven to Hashem to help remove these damaging guilt feelings, and I”YH if you just concentrate on the now and the future, you will gradually forget, the past and the guilt feeling your yetzer hora is trying to use to trip you up.
Best wishes