This week’s article explores practical questions surrounding the obligation of a grandchild to honor his grandfather. In what ways must a grandchild show respect? Does this obligation extend to grandmothers as well? Is there a difference between one’s paternal and maternal grandfather? What about a great-grandfather?
Who takes precedence when multiple people need help and it is impossible to fulfill all the requests? The Gemara recounts a surprising story about Rav Yaakov who refused to bring his grandfather water. How can such a story be explained? What lesson are we meant to take from it? Of this and more in the following article.
Parashas Vayechi: Yaakov and Efraim
In this week’s parsha, we hear that Yaakov Avinu learned Torah regularly with his grandson Efraim, Yosef’s son. When Yaakov became ill, Efraim was the one who immediately ran to inform his father. We also read about the special brachah that Yaakov bestowed upon his grandchildren. As mentioned last week, there is a special mitzvah to teach one’s grandchild Torah, as the pasuk states: “And you shall make them known to your children and your children’s children” (Devarim 4:9). The poskim learn from this pasuk the obligation to honor those who pass the mesorah on to us.
Last week, we examined different opinions regarding whether the commandment “Honor your father and your mother” includes grandparents, or if there is a separate source for this obligation. Some opinions maintain that no such obligation exists at all. This week, we will address a range of practical questions based on last week’s conclusions, and explore the grandparent-grandchild relationship.
Halachic Recap
In last week’s article we mentioned the following opinions regarding the obligation to honor one’s grandfather:
- The Maharik’s Opinion (Shorash 30):
The Maharik holds that there is no obligation for a grandchild to honor his grandfather. This view is supported by several prominent authorities, including the Levush (YD 240:24), Keneses HaGedolah (YD 240:3), Beis Shmuel (EH 115:16), and Vilna Gaon (YD 240:33–34). This position also gains indirect support from its omission by the Rambam and Shulchan Aruch. - The Rama’s Opinion (YD 240:24):
The Rama asserts that there is an obligation to honor one’s grandfather, but honoring one’s father takes precedence. Many authorities follow this view, including the Charedim (Positive Commandments 4:10), Bach (YD 240:13), Taz (YD 240:20), Shach (YD 240:22), Shevus Yaakov (2, 94), Rabbi Akiva Eiger (glosses on Shulchan Aruch, YD 240:24), Chayei Adam (Part 1, 67:25), Chida (Birkei Yosef, YD 240:23), Ben Ish Chai (Torah Lishmah 265), and others. - The Bach’s Opinion:
The Bach maintains that the obligation is d’oraysa and supports this view with several sources, which we will outline below. Many of the aforementioned authorities also lean toward this perspective. - The Ben Ish Chai and Others:
According to the Ben Ish Chai and others, the obligation is rabbinic rather than d’oraysa. - The She’elas Ya’avetz (2:129):
According to the Ya’avetz, while there is no absolute obligation to honor a grandfather, it is proper to show him respect. - The Teshuva Me’Ahava (1:178):
The Teshuva Me’Ahava maintains that honoring one’s grandfather simply makes sense. A grandfather is obligated to teach his grandson Torah (Devarim 4:9: "And you shall make them known to your children and your children’s children"). Therefore, logic implies a reciprocal obligation for the grandchild to honor his grandfather, even though we know of no explicit source.
A D’oraysa Obligation: Possible Sources
- The Gemara (Kesubos 103a) interprets the pasuk “Honor your father and your mother” to include obligations toward other relatives closely associated with one’s parents, such as a stepmother, stepfather, and eldest brother. By extension, it also applies to all previous generations, including grandparents.
- The Gemara establishes that grandchildren are considered akin to children (Yevamos 62b), and therefore must honor their grandparents like parents.
- The Torah sometimes uses the term “father” to describe a grandfather, as in Bereshis 28:13: "I am the Lord, G-d of Avraham your father, and G-d of Yitzchak."
- A grandfather is obligated to teach his grandson Torah (Kiddushin 30a). Therefore, it logically follows that the grandson has an obligation to honor his grandfather.
- The Gemara (Kiddushin 30b) explains that honoring parents is tied to their role as co-creators of their child, alongside G-d. Previous generations, including grandparents, are directly responsible for one’s existence, and are thus deserving of honor.
- Since a father is obligated to honor his own parents, the child must also respect the grandparents as part of his father’s honor.
Paternal and Maternal Grandparents
Is there a halachic difference between paternal and maternal grandparents? This depends on the above reasons: for example, whether it stems from the father’s honor, familial hierarchy, or the direct commandment of "Honor your father and mother."
- If the source of the obligation is the grandfather’s mitzva to teach his grandson Torah, the obligation only applies to the paternal grandfather, not the maternal one. Grandmothers, too—whether paternal or maternal—are exempted from teaching Torah to grandchildren, and therefore not included in this commandment.
- The Shtei HaLechem (43) argues that the obligation to honor a grandfather stems from the father’s obligation to honor his own father. Therefore, since a married daughter is obligated primarily to her husband, her obligation to honor her parents is less than a son’s obligation. Consequently, the obligation of a maternal grandson to honor his grandfather would be less than that of a paternal grandson to honor his grandfather.
Rav Acha Bar Yaakov
The Gemara (Sotah 49a) recounts a puzzling story: Rav Acha bar Yaakov raised his grandson, Rav Yaakov (the son of his daughter), in his home. Later, when Rav Acha asked Rav Yaakov to bring him water, Rav Yaakov refused, saying, “I am not your son.”
Why did Rav Yaakov refuse to bring water to his grandfather? And how does this story align with the obligation to honor one’s grandfather?
Rashi explains that Rav Yaakov meant that a grandson, specifically a son of a daughter, is not obligated to honor his grandfather the same way a son is.
Shtei HaLechem (43), Chasam Sofer (YD 2:345), and others explain that obviously Rav Yaakov had valid reasons or constraints preventing him from fulfilling his grandfather’s request. He may, for example, have been engaged in critically important activities, such as Torah study or another vital mitzvah. While honoring parents requires interrupting even significant activities, the obligation to honor a grandparent does not carry the same weight. Therefore, in this case, he was not obligated to set aside his other activities to bring water to his grandfather.
The Vilna Gaon (YD 240:34) and others see in this story support for the Maharik’s approach that there is no halachic obligation to honor a grandfather. Although he must have had valid personal reasons for refusing, the Gemara brings the story to illustrate that no binding obligation exists.
The Vilna Gaon’s adds that according to the Rama’s understanding, the story suggests that the obligation to honor a grandfather applies only to a paternal grandfather. This idea is mentioned in the Magen Gibborim and others. The Vilna Gaon also cites a Midrash (Bereshis Rabbah 94:6), which explains why the Torah does not count Yaakov’s grandchildren from his daughter Dina among his seventy descendants (Dina is mentioned in the Gemara as having married Iyov). From the omission the Midrash concludes that only grandchildren through sons are considered equivalent to children, while grandchildren through daughters are not.
Maternal Grandfather, Grandmothers, and Granddaughters
The Menoras HaMaor (authored by Rabbi Yisrael Al-Nakawa, martyred in Spain in 1391; IV, Chapter 89), Rama (Responsa, Section 118), and Sefer HaCharedim (Positive Commandments 85:3) explicitly write that the obligation to honor grandparents applies to both paternal and maternal grandfathers equally. Practically, one must certainly be stringent, because it might involve a full mitzva d’oraysa.
Following the previous question, another issue arises: does the obligation include grandmothers? This question, too, depends on the above opinions. Practically, Sefer Chassidim (Section 345), Rabbeinu Meyuchas (Shemos 20:12), Sefer Charedim (Positive Commandments 85:3), Shevus Yaakov (2:94), and Birkei Yosef (YD 240:23) explicitly state that the obligation applies to grandmothers as well.
However, if a grandchild receives two conflicting requests, one from his paternal grandfather and one from his maternal grandfather, and can only fulfill one, he should prioritize the paternal grandfather’s request, as several significant authorities hold that the obligation applies only to the paternal grandfather. Similarly, a grandchild who receives requests from both grandfather and grandmother should logically prioritize the grandfather’s request.
If the obligation arises from the grandfather's duty to teach his grandson Torah, a granddaughter – who is not obligated to learn Torah -- would not be obligated to honor her grandfather. Practically, she should show him respect, as it may still be a Torah obligation -- albeit lesser than the grandson’s.
Financial Support
The Bach (YD 240:13), Shach (YD 240:23), and Chayei Adam (Part 1, 67:25) ruled that if a grandfather lacks the means for a livelihood and the son is capable of providing assistance, Beis Din would obligate the son to support his grandfather, just as they would require him to support his father.
This obligation, however, depends on the above-mentioned reasoning. The Eliyahu Zuta (OC Minhagim, Responsa 1) and Rabbi Akiva Eiger (glosses on Shulchan Aruch, YD 240:24) write that the Bach and Shach ruled that honoring a grandfather is a full obligation, equal to the obligation to honor one's father in every way. Based on this, the obligation extends to supporting a maternal grandfather and both grandmothers as well.
The Chayei Adam, however, writes that one is obligated to support his paternal grandfather as an extension of his father’s obligation to support his own father. If the father lacks the means to support the grandfather, the grandchild is compelled to provide support. Conversely, since the mother is subjugated to her husband and not obligated to support her father, there is room to argue that the grandson is not compelled to support his maternal grandfather. Similarly, once the father has passed away, it is possible that the grandson would not be compelled to support the grandfather anymore.
The Eliyahu Zuta concludes that Beis Din can only mandate supporting a grandfather within the framework of tzedaka. Since honoring a grandfather takes precedence over other charitable causes, financial support becomes a duty, if the grandson has the means. However, this obligation arises from the mitzva of tzedaka, not as part of the mitzva of honoring a grandfather.
Father or Grandfather: Who Takes Precedence?
When both father and grandfather make conflicting requests, who takes precedence?
All authorities agree that although one is obligated to honor his grandfather, the obligation to honor one’s father takes precedence as is stated by the Rashi that was cited in the previous article. Therefore, a father’s request takes precedence.
However, if both the father and his parent or step-parent are present, and both ask for a cup of water -- since when the child hands the cup to the father he is obligated to pass it on to his parent, it is permissible for the grandchild to hand the first cup directly to the grandparent, and only afterward bring water to his father.
If, however, the conflict is between a father and a maternal grandfather—such as where the parents are divorced or the mother has passed away—it is clear that the father’s request should take precedence over the grandfather’s.
Where they are not both at the same location, authorities are split. Practically, one should honor the father first, as there is a definitive and more severe obligation to honor the father, while the obligation to honor the grandfather is debated and possibly lighter.
Older Brother or Grandfather: Who Takes Precedence
One’s firstborn brother and grandfather make conflicting requests. Who comes first?
This question is more complex. On one hand, the Gemara explicitly spells out the obligation to honor a firstborn brother, derived from the pasuk “Honor your father and your mother,” which includes the older brother. On the other hand, honoring a grandfather more than a brother is a logical behavior, especially when the brother is also a grandson.
The Beis Dovid (Salonika, CM 3) writes that the obligation to honor an older brother is d’oraysa, while the obligation to honor a grandfather is d’rabonon. Therefore, preference should be given to the older brother. However, as we have written, most authorities seem to hold that the obligation to honor a grandfather is also d’oraysa and more straightforward than the obligation to honor an older brother, which is why it is not explicitly mentioned in the Gemara. Based on this reasoning, preference should be shown to the grandfather, especially when the older brother is also his grandson.
Great-Grandfather
The Shevus Yaakov (Volume 2, Section 94) proves the obligation to honor a great-grandfather from the pasuk (I Melachim 2:19): “And he placed a throne for the mother of the king, and she sat at his right hand.” Chazal explain (Bava Basra 91b) that this refers to Ruth, Shlomo HaMelech’s great-great-grandmother. This teaches of the obligation to honor a great-grandmother, even from several generations back.
The Minchas Elazar (Volume 3, Section 33) quotes the Admor of Shinova with an interesting ruling: if a grandfather and great-grandfather make conflicting requests, one is obligated to fulfill the great-grandfather’s request first. Since both grandfather and great-grandfather are included in the mitzva of “Honor your father” by extension of the same reasoning, the great-grandfather should come first, as both grandfather and great-grandson are obligated to honor him.
Next week we will conclude this series with additional halachos and practical rulings.