In this week's article we conclude our discussion of the mitzva to honor grandfathers. This week, we will delve into the practical aspects: which actions are prohibited, what must be avoided, and what is permitted. Can a grandchild give his grandfather a haircut, administer a medical injection, dress a wound, remove a thorn, or check blood-sugar levels for his grandfather? Is one permitted to contradict his grandfather’s statements? Can a son perform medical procedures on his parent? What should one do if no one else is available for the task?
These and other important questions are explored in depth in this week's article.
Caring for Grandparents According to Halacha
In this week’s parasha, we learn about Bnei Yisrael in Egypt. After the passing of Yaakov Avinu and the twelve tribes, Pharaoh, who had initially honored Yaakov and his descendants, changed his heart and enslaved them. The Torah emphasizes how the stages of enslavement corresponded to their diminishing connection to previous generations.
At first, Bnei Yisrael were regarded as a great and honored people. However, after the death of the tribes, their enslavement intensified. This oppression worsened further following the passing of the entire generation that had originally arrived in Egypt. The respect and connection to their ancestors had provided Bnei Yisrael with the strength to retain their Jewish identity, even amidst the harsh conditions of Egyptian exile. The closer they stayed to their roots, the lighter the burden of slavery; as that connection weakened, the oppression grew. Notably, the tribe of Levi, which steadfastly preserved their heritage and connection to the past, remained entirely free from servitude.
The Midrash teaches a profound lesson from the parsha’s first words, “These are the names.” Bnei Yisrael entered Egypt with their Jewish names and emerged with those same names intact. Despite sinking to the 49th level of impurity and even engaging in idol worship, they maintained their respect and connection to their heritage. This steadfast commitment ultimately became the key to their redemption.
In previous articles, we examined the sources for the obligation to honor one’s grandfather. This obligation may stem either from the Torah’s command to honor one’s father, or from a broader duty to cherish one’s heritage and express gratitude toward past generations.
This week, we will conclude our series by addressing practical applications: How are these principles implemented in daily life? What actions are prohibited or permitted when interacting with a grandparent?
The Two Dimensions of Honoring Parents
As noted previously, most halachic authorities maintain that there is indeed an obligation to honor one’s grandfather. This obligation is derived from the mitzvah to honor one’s father; however, the level of obligation is considered less stringent than that of parents. This week, we will focus on the specific question of what a grandchild is forbidden to do to his grandfather.
The mitzvah of honoring parents includes two distinct aspects:
- Kavod (Honor):
As stated in the Ten Commandments (Shemos 20:12; Devarim 5:16), “Honor your father and your mother”. This pasuk obligates positive actions that show respect and care to parents. - Morah (Reverence):
As outlined in Parshas Kedoshim (Vayikra 19:3), “You shall each revere your mother and your father”. This pasuk prohibits any action that demeans or disrespects parents in any way, e.g. contradicting or undermining their words.
In this week’s article, we will examine how the mitzvos of kavod and morah apply to grandchildren.
Medical Treatment
Let us begin with a practical question: Is a grandchild permitted to give his grandfather a haircut or administer an injection?
The Torah severely prohibits wounding one’s father or mother, an act punishable by death, as stated: “One who wounds his father or mother shall surely be put to death” (Shemos 21:15). This prohibition includes drawing even a small amount of blood from a parent (Sanhedrin 84b).
The Shulchan Aruch (YD 241:3) rules that a child should refrain from performing any medical treatment on a parent that might cause bleeding, e.g.: removing a thorn, bloodletting (a common therapeutic practice in earlier times), etc.
Therefore, halacha cautions that a surgeon or medical professional should avoid treating his parents if the treatment might cause bleeding. However, the Rema adds that if no one else is available to perform the procedure, and the parent wants and needs to be treated, his son is permitted to proceed with treatment, as the parent has given their consent, and the act is intended for their benefit. In this situation, treating the parent is not considered a violation but rather an expression of honor to the parent.
Sources
How can an act that warrants the death penalty be rendered permissible? This question is addressed in the Gemara (Sanhedrin 84b), which offers two explanations for why a child is allowed to treat a parent, even when the medical procedure causes bleeding:
- The principle of "Love Your Neighbor as Yourself" (Vayikra 19:18): Do for others what you would want done to you. If a parent would want the procedure done, and it is for their benefit, doing so is permissible.
- Medical treatment is excluded from the prohibition against striking people: The prohibition of striking does not apply where the action is intended for healing purposes. Therefore, any medical action is permitted, despite the bleeding it causes.
Nevertheless, the Gemara recounts that some Amoraim avoided performing medical procedures on their parents, even when the chance of bleeding was unintentional and slim. The Gemara explains that, while accidentally causing harm to another Jew is merely a violation of a negative commandment, accidentally harming one’s parent may incur a more severe penalty. Therefore, the Amoraim were stringent in this matter.
Practical Guidelines
The Kesef Mishneh (Hilchos Mamrim 5:7) clarifies that no prohibition is violated as long as the medical professional or caregiver performs only what is necessary, since the concern arises only from the possibility of causing more harm than intended, such as drawing unnecessary blood. However, since making these precise decisions may be challenging, the Amoraim preferred that such procedures be done on their parents by someone else. For others, however, there is no similar concern, and assisting them is a mitzvah, because the punishment for accidental over-treatment is less severe. Therefore, the Rambam and the Rema ruled that when no one else is available, the son may perform the treatment on their parent as needed.
Gesher HaChaim (Part 2) and other sources highlight other considerations in caring for parents. In some cases, it is the parents' honor their children to personally care for them, as they are best equipped to do so with the necessary sensitivity and attention. In other situations, the children may be the most readily available caregivers.
It is self-understood that whenever there is a potential danger to life, treatment should be administered without delay or further considerations. For example, bringing in an outsider to administer regular blood sugar tests could lead to neglect of necessary treatment, posing a risk to the parent’s life, and the child must perform the tests without hesitation.
Moreover, often a son or close relative is gentler, and makes the parent calmer. Since this too may lead avoiding necessary treatments, the child should preferably be the one to administer the treatment.
Applying to a Grandfather
Does the above concern extend to a grandfather? Should a non-descendant preferably be the one to perform medical procedures on a grandfather, or can a grandchild handle it? This question is particularly relevant when the grandchild is more readily available, or is the primary caregiver, and the grandfather prefers his assistance.
The answer depends upon the following discussion:
Cursing
Cursing a parent is explicitly prohibited, as stated: “For anyone who curses his father or mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or mother—his blood is upon him” (Vayikra 20:9). Does this punishment extend to a grandfather as well?
The Rambam (Hilchos Mamrim 5:3) rules: “One who curses their paternal or maternal grandfather is treated as if he cursed any other member of the Jewish community.” In other words, cursing any Jew transgresses a negative Torah prohibition, but the severe prohibition against cursing a parent, punishable by death, applies only to one’s parents, not grandparents.
The commentators debate the source of the Rambam's ruling. Rabbi Yosef Karo, in Kesef Mishneh (Hilchos Mamrim 5:3), explains that the Rambam’s ruling is based on the Gemara (Makkos 12a). The Gemara there discusses a case in which someone accidentally kills their own child. In such cases, the negligent killer is required to flee to a city of refuge, and the victim's closest relative (the go’el hadam, or blood avenger) is permitted to kill the negligent killer if they leave the city of refuge.
The Gemara clarifies that a brother of the victim does not act as the go’el hadam to kill his father, even if the father was guilty of murder, due to the obligation to honor one’s father. However, a grandson of the victim may act as the go’el hadam to execute his grandfather. Rashi explains that this is because one is not obligated to honor his grandfather.
From this explanation the Rambam deduces that just as there is no prohibition against striking a grandfather, there is likewise no special prohibition against cursing a grandfather.
Understanding the Explanation
Rabbi Yosef Karo’s explanation can be understood in several ways:
- Rabbi Yosef Karo appears to adopt the Maharik’s view which we mentioned in previous articles that all Torah laws concerning honoring and revering parents—whether the obligations of kavod (honor), morah (reverence), or prohibitions against striking and cursing—apply exclusively to one’s parents, not grandparents. Indeed, in their works, neither the Rambam nor Rabbi Yosef Karo mention a Torah obligation to honor grandparents.
- The She’elas Yaavetz (Vol. 2, 129) argues that even if there is an obligation to honor grandparents, as maintained by the Rema and most halachic authorities, this obligation applies only to positive actions of kavod. Negative prohibitions, such as striking or cursing, do not extend to grandparents. This distinction depends on whether the obligation to honor grandparents is derived from the mitzvah to honor them, or from logical reasoning or tradition.
- The Ben Ish Chai (Torah Lishma 265) writes that the obligation to honor grandparents is always rabbinic. In cases where this rabbinic obligation conflicts with other Torah-level obligations, such as the mitzvah of go’el hadam, the Torah obligation overrides. Similarly, the general Torah prohibition against cursing any Jew would take precedence over instituting a specific prohibition against cursing a grandfather.
Other commentators on the Rambam (e.g., Avraham Yagel, Ben Aryeh, Or Sameach, Keser HaMelech) suggest that the Rambam’s source is a direct teaching from Toras Kohanim (Parshas Kedoshim, 9:1). This midrash explicitly states that grandparents are excluded from the Torah’s special prohibition against cursing one’s parents.
Some of these commentators express surprise that Rabbi Yosef Karo did not cite this explicit source and instead relied on a more indirect derivation from the Gemara.
The Difference Between the Two Sources
Ma’amar HaMelech explains that there is a fundamental difference between the two sources. If a specific derasha is needed to exclude a grandfather from an obligation, this suggests that, by default, a grandfather is included in all Torah laws regarding honoring parents, and only the specific case of cursing is excluded.
However, if the source is based on the halacha that a grandchild may act as a go’el hadam (blood avenger), this proves that the Torah does not obligate a grandchild to honor a grandfather at all.
Based on this distinction, Ma’amar HaMelech explains that the Kesef Mishneh holds that the Gemara’s position is that a grandfather is excluded from all laws of honoring parents (kavod), reverence (morah), and the prohibitions of striking and cursing. In contrast, Toras Kohanim maintains that a grandfather is included in all obligations of Torah law but is specifically excluded from the prohibition against cursing.
In cases of conflict between the Gemara and Toras Kohanim, halacha follows the Gemara. Therefore, the Kesef Mishneh rules that the grandfather is excluded from all prohibitions and obligations that apply to a father.
Ma’amar HaMelech brings further proof from the Gemara in Yoma (66b), which expounds on the pasuk: “Who said of his father and mother, ‘I have not seen him’” (Devarim 33:9). The pasuk describes the tribe of Levi during the sin of the Golden Calf. The Levites killed even their closest relatives, including, in some cases, maternal grandfathers who were not from the tribe of Levi and had participated in the sin. This indicates that if a grandfather was deserving of death, the grandchild executed judgment without hesitation, demonstrating that the grandchild was not bound by an obligation to honor the grandfather in such cases.
Practical Halacha
Most halachic authorities cite the Rema’s ruling that one must honor a grandfather, and the Bach even lists numerous reasons why this obligation is Torah-based. One should therefore be stringent and regard grandparents as one would regard parents.
As for the obligation to refrain from doing things that offend their grandparent there is more room for leniency, and one can treat his grandparent just like any other Jewish person. Rabbi Yosef Karo in the Shulchan Aruch explicitly rules that the laws of reverence do not apply to a grandfather. The She’elas Yaavetz adds that the laws of reverence (morah) and prohibitions against striking or cursing apply to a grandfather only as they apply to any other Jew.
Nevertheless, where there is no compelling need to upset a grandparent, it is proper to act stringently, as Toras Kohanim does include a grandfather in the prohibition. Many later authorities also follow this ruling, and there is no explicit proof that the Gemara holds otherwise.
Medical Treatment for a Grandfather
This brings us back to the previously mentioned question: Can a grandchild perform medical procedures for a grandfather, such as drawing blood for therapeutic purposes or removing a thorn?
The Ben Ish Chai (Torah Lishma 265) rules that since the prohibition is rabbinic, it is permitted in cases of medical necessity, even if another person is available. However, he adds that one who refrains from doing so out of stringency is praiseworthy.
This leniency assumes that the obligation is rabbinic. However, since most halachic authorities consider the obligation to honor a grandfather d’oraysa, when feasible, someone else should be called in to perform the procedure, especially if the grandfather has no specific preference.
If the grandfather specifically prefers the grandchild, since honoring the grandfather’s wishes is part of the mitzva the grandchild should perform the procedure. The following are several reasons it should be permitted:
- The Gemara states that the Amoraim only refrained from treating parents, where the act involved a potential punishment of death. For a grandfather there is no death penalty, and therefore stringency is not warranted.
- There is no definitive evidence that the special prohibition against wounding applies to a grandchild, and it certainly does not carry a death penalty.
- Since the action is fundamentally permitted and honoring is (considered by most authorities) a full Torah-obligation, being stringent here would prevent the grandchild from fulfilling the mitzvah of honoring his grandfather.
Practical Recommendations
When a grandchild performs a medical procedure for his grandfather, he must exercise extra caution to avoid causing unnecessary injury, pain, or bleeding. For example, when giving a haircut, the grandchild should be particularly careful during final shaving around the neck or ears, not to cause a nick in the skin that could bleed. If it is possible to find another person to perform these tasks, doing so is praiseworthy.
However, if the grandfather prefers his grandchild’s assistance, the grandchild should provide it and it is a mitzva, provided he exercises utmost care to avoid harm.