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Making a siyum for someone hated

Question:

My youngest brother wants to make a siyum on the first yartzeit of our mother a"h, but he harbored enormous hatred and animosity towards her, (as well as towards the rest of the family, and especially towards myself the oldest son and brother), he even said that he only helped her and took care of her because there was no one else able to do so, and he is extremely critical of decisions she made, and in general he is extraordinarily negative, so it seems very self contradictory and hypocritical for him to make a siyum.

As far as I know he didn't even say kaddish for her over the year, but I cannot be sure.

To me it seems that his actual intention is to use the family setting of him making a siyum to bolster his station and his ego, and to put me down in the process.

Perhaps there is an inyan not to do certain things for a person that you hated.

 

Answer:

Hello,

Making a siyum for a parent is an illuy nishoma, and a mitzva of kibud av v’em. Although he might harbor ill feeling towards your mother, however we don’t really know what feelings he also has deep down, after all she is still his mother. I am not aware of any inyan that a person should not make a siyum for a person that they had ill feeling for them. Additionally, you can never know, perhaps, making the siyum and his doing something for your mother, will evoke positive feelings for her, and he might regret being so harsh on her.

Therefore, let him make the siyum, and hopefully it will lead to good things.

Best wishes

 

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