Question:
If one cannot sleep well with the buzzing of a sound machine and that person’s spouse can’t sleep well without it, how does the couple manage the situation? Ear plugs are uncomfortable for the one who prefers no white noise. It’s hard to fall asleep and the sleep is not good-the spouse wakes feeling unrested. The one who “needs” the noise has slept without it, but says it’s harder to fall asleep.
Does it make a difference if one spouse is pregnant?
Thanks.
Answer:
Hello,
It is my hope that both parties understand that the answer to this is not black and white, but it is good that when they have an issue that they are challenged with, to seek guidance to help their situation. This is part of the spiritual growth that Hashem sends us in marriage, the difficulties that arise between the two, and the way that it tests both people’s middos, and patients, together with learning to manage a cope in various situations. The issue is definitely more pronounced wile the wife is pregnant as she needs her sleep even more, and can also be more particular, due to the stresses of her pregnancy.
The issue as I see it to brainstorm for solutions. There are some ideas.
- They should both daven, that Hashem should help them find the proper solution to their problem. We don’t have to turn to Hashem only when we have a major crisis or a calamity, rather every time we have any difficulty, we should turn to Him. We are His children, and a child can turn to their father, for any issue that comes up, and He is happy to help us.
- This next suggestion shod not be taken out of context, but we can all grow in this area. If both sides, ( or even if it is only one side, but that side is me) would work on developing a more giving and accommodating attitude, the severity of the problem might diminish, and the situation might be come more manageable.
- If the person needing the sound machine only needs it when falling asleep, the machine can be set to a Shabbos clock to run only for the half hour, or hour that the person is falling asleep. After that, the person who doesn’t want it can sleep peacefully. Additionally, if the person who has a hard time falling asleep, can take melatonin, to help them fall asleep and them sleeping better, that might help.
- The setting on the machine can be set to a lower volume, and he sound machine placed very close those the ears of the one who needs it, and further away from the one who is bothered by it, and hopefully the combination of the two will help them both out.
H-shem should send you much hatzlocha and shalom… and a restful night of sleep.
