Question:
Since losing my mother a"h last year, a primary task for me is to continue the family geneaolgy project that her mother (my grandmother) had started back in the 60's.
Indeed, she even found 2 cousins who had survived WWII.
So I have succeeded in contacting various relatives actually from both my mother's side of the family, and also from my father's side of the family.
However, quite unexpectedly, my innocent questions about various names and requests for additional information and details, have resulted in responses that also included various calamities and tragedies r"l that have befallen these relatives, usually someone passing away from a terrible illness r"l.
In fact, one cousin just lost his sister to incurable brain cancer r"l just a few months ago.
Is there some way that I can write them proper words of comfort and hope after bringing back these bad memories and recollections to them?
Another important point is that unfortunately none of these relatives are religious.
I became frum close to 50 years ago.
In retrospect it should have occurred to me that I am contacting these people at a later stage in life, so bad events r"l should have been expected, but nevertheless I need to find out as much information as I can.
Answer:
Hello,
The main thing for you to do is to sympathize with their difficulties. It is possible that if a while has passed from time that these things happened, that they have already gotten over it. According to your discretion, and understanding of the situation, you might want to say. “Wow they suffered so much. Hopefully it atoned for any sins that they might have had and now they are in a much better place”. Additionally, tell them that you learned a lot from talking to them. This recognition will usually make them feel good.
Best wishes
