Question:
Dear Rabbi,
I am writing for guidance on how to talk to my daughter. She is an adult with extremely severe OCD (mainly around Jewish law). Her current main concerns are the post-bathroom prayer and contamination in general. Every time she "goes", she worries that either she may have forgotten to say the prayer or made a mistake in saying it. Then, if she has doubts (which is virtually all the time), she worries that she made a terrible mistake, is "contaminated" and needs to wash/throw out everything associated with it.
For example, after the fast of Tisha B'Av, she worried that she forgot the bathroom prayer before eating (highly unlikely but she doubts). Since then she has avoided the food she ate afterwards, the clothes she was wearing, etc.
More generally, she gets so worried and fearful about anything bathroom related. She fears she must say a prayer if she feels like she "could" go, if she feels she could still go upon leaving the bathroom, etc. Is there a source we can use that is more general, as she is extremely literal around these rules?
So my questions are (I am writing using her words as I can't imagine it is as severe as she imagines):
1. How "terrible" is it even if she really did forget/make mistakes a few times?
2. If she missed, what should she do? In an attempt to “fix” it, she currently repeats the prayer 40 or 80 or more times. Does it then affect anything else?
The sheer anxiety she experiences around this issue is painful to her and for us to watch.
More generally, the contamination issue is particularly pervasive. For example, If something has traveled in a car on Saturday, or I (I’m not orthodox) hand her something without washing, or if a contaminated object (e.g. a book bought on Saturday) touches her clothes, the clothes are now contaminated, etc. Is she correct? What does have to happen to contaminate?
Thank you very much,
Answer:
Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to us, as you and your daughter need guidance here. Jewish law should not make anyone OCD, and if it does, she should get help. I can help you with the laws, but unfortunately people with OCD, are still nervous, and emotionally have a hard time accepting, that the law is not as demanding as their condition imposes on them. Here are some of the rules.
- When a person doubts if they said the blessing after exiting the bathroom, (called “Asher Yotzar”), they may NOT say it again. The reason being because if the person already said it, then by saying it again the person is saying G-d’s name in vain. Therefore, whenever she has a doubt if she said it or not, she may not say it again. (This will also help for the OCD.)
- Regarding making a mistake when saying the blessing, basically there aren’t any mistakes, that she is going to make, (such as omitting saying G-d’s name…) that will invalidate the blessing to the degree that it has to be repeated. Therefore, she should know that even if she did make a mistake, she should still, NOT say the blessing again.
- After using the bathroom, we wash our hands, because our hands are not clean, either due to touching oneself in covered places, etc., or because of entering the bathroom. (The blessing is only said after actually using the bathroom.) It is sufficient to merely stick one’s hands under the faucet, and even if she didn’t use a cup to wash her hands, she does not need to wash them again.
- After using the bathroom, if one touched food, the food is NOT contaminated. Similarly, if a person who doesn’t keep these laws and didn’t wash after using the bathroom; if the person touched food, the food is not contaminated at all.
- Technically the only thing that will “contaminate” would be if the person didn’t wash their hands after waking up in the morning, and touched food. If possible that food should be washed three times. Other than that, books, clothing, etc, will not be contaminated.
- The Asher Yotzar blessing, is a way of saying thank you to G-d for giving us a healthy body, and that our digestive and urinary tract are working, (otherwise we would not be able to survive). Therefore, it is said only after using the bathroom, but not beforehand.
- If one used the bathroom and forgot, to say the blessing, if the person needs to use the bathroom again, he may no longer say the blessing, for using the bathroom the last time. This is because the good felling of relieving oneself has already dissipated, therefore the time to say that blessing has already expired.
Understandably, your daughter is suffering from her OCD, and I feel bad for her, and hope that she can get the proper therapy that she needs to help her live more calmly and happily.
Best wishes
