Question:
Apparently, the Rambam says in Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Teshuva, Chapter 7, quoting I think, Isiah the Navi, that a person before he does teshuva is hated by Hashem, and the mitzvot he performs are disgusting to him and if he prays, he doesn't listen to him but if he does teshuva Hashem loves him and then welcomes him.
However, all my life I was taught that Hashem understands a person’s challenges and he loves a person unconditionally and loves him even after he sins because at the end of the day a person is hashems child.
Does this mean everyday Hashem hates me because I somehow sin every day, either bitul torah, or failing in shomer einaym when I'm driving even though I passed 7 times before that time I fell?
Does this mean Hashem hates me and then loves me 73 times a day if I do teshuva 73 times after I think I might have sinned?
I understand if maybe Hashem hates a Jew that hates him and has killed people and publicizes atheism or mass murder of Jews or something, but what if I want to do what's right and I fall, and I'm trying to be better, and each year I become better and i have lots of nisyonot and I wish i never sinned again, but reality is I'm always being tested and falling?
So Hashem hates me basically all the time?
So there's no point in doing mitzvot because it's disgusting in his eyes, and even if I do teshuva right now, probably in 30 minutes I will have sinned again somehow either seeing something I shouldn’t have in Los Angeles streets, or bittul torah, so he hates me again?
This makes me so broken like it's inevitable ill constantly fall, so Hashem will always hate me?
Answer:
Hello,
What you were taught all your life is true, and still remains true. Hashem loves us, even more than a parent loves a child. Even when a child sins to the parent, the parent might punish the child for what was the child did, and the parent will be angry with the child, however the parent still has a strong love for the child, deep down. Even if the child gets himself disgustingly dirty, the parent will be disgusted at the way the child appears, however beneath it all is a strong love for the child.
Getting to the Rambam (Hilchos Teshuva 7-6) that you are referring to, if we read the whole Rambam halacha, it is evident that his intent is the opposite. (See sources) The Rambam is saying that even a person who sinned so much that he is now despised, nevertheless, after the does teshuva, he is loved again. Even if the person’s sins separated him from Hashem, after doing teshuva, he is close again to Hashem. In fact, the commentaries on this statement ask, how can it be that merely doing teshuva will make the person close, and loved, there are certain sins that are only erased after teshuva and Yom Kippur, or after certain afflictions, etc.
The Rambam doesn’t mean to say that the small sins that everyone inevitably ends up doing, cause the person to be despised and hated. This is because a numerous number of verses tell us not this way. Mishlei 24-16, the righteous person falls seven times, and gets up, the verse is calling him a tzaddik even though he sinned seven times. Koheles 7-20, “there is no righteous person on earth that only does good and has no sins”, the verse is still calling him a tzaddik, even though he does have sins. In fact, even the Rambam himself (Teshuva 3-1) writes that a person who has more mitzvos than aveiros, is called tzaddik! It can’t be that Hashem despises, hates and scorns all the righteous!
Rather, the Rambam is referring to the person who has sinned tremendously, however even so, if he repents, he will be loved again, and he will be close again. This is because of Hashem’s deep love for us, and even if we do things that anger Him, as soon as we are ready to love Him again, and want to get close to Him again, he is open arms, no matter what.
Best wishes
Sources:
רמב"ם הלכות תשובה פרק ז הלכה ו
גדולה תשובה שמקרבת את האדם לשכינה שנאמר שובה ישראל עד ה' אלהיך, ונאמר ולא שבתם עדי נאם ה', ונאמר אם תשוב ישראל נאם ה' אלי תשוב, כלומר אם תחזור בתשובה בי תדבק, התשובה מקרבת את הרחוקים, אמש היה זה שנאוי לפני המקום משוקץ ומרוחק ותועבה, והיום הוא אהוב ונחמד קרוב וידיד, וכן אתה מוצא שבלשון שהקב"ה מרחיק החוטאים בה מקרב את השבים בין יחיד בין רבים, שנאמר והיה במקום אשר יאמר להם לא עמי אתם יאמר להם בני אל חי, ונאמר ביכניהו ברשעתו כתבו את האיש הזה ערירי גבר לא יצלח בימיו, אם יהיה כניהו בן יהויקים מלך יהודה חותם על יד ימיני וגו', וכיון ששב בגלותו נאמר בזרובבל בנו ביום ההוא נאם ה' צבאות אקחך זרובבל בן שאלתיאל עבדי נאם ה' ושמתיך כחותם.
הלכה ז
כמה מעולה מעלת התשובה, אמש היה זה מובדל מה' אלהי ישראל שנאמר עונותיכם היו מבדילים ביניכם לבין אלהיכם, צועק ואינו נענה שנאמר כי תרבו תפלה וגו' ועושה מצות וטורפין אותן בפניו שנאמר מי בקש זאת מידכם רמוס חצרי, מי גם בכם ויסגר דלתים וגו', והיום הוא מודבק בשכינה שנאמר ואתם הדבקים בה' אלהיכם, צועק ונענה מיד שנאמר והיה טרם יקראו ואני אענה, ועושה מצות ומקבלין אותן בנחת ושמחה שנאמר כי כבר רצה האלהים את מעשיך, ולא עוד אלא שמתאוים להם שנאמר וערבה לה' מנחת יהודה וירושלם כימי עולם וכשנים קדמוניות.
