Question:
Hi, Thank you for this platform where I can feel comfortable to ask my question. My husband was brought up in a home where his father is not so makpid in halacha (although he is very frum). I see that because of his upbringings, my husband has the same attitude towards mitzvos. I try to keep quiet to things that are between him and Hashem. But I want to know what to do when he tells me do do something that I think is not ok, and he's watching me. For example he'll eat fresh berries and just rinse it in the sink and make a comment that I don't have to eat them if I don't want to. This is where I get stuck, because I want to show him that I respect him, on the other hand I feel that I am doing an Aveira. I'll add that in general he suffers from low self esteem, so I find myself trying to show him that I respect his 'psak' and I go along.
Answer:
Hello,
You are in a tricky situation, and I can’t give you an answer that will help in all situations. It really depends if it is really against halacha, or if what you are doing is controversial among the poskim. If you have a Rov that you can confide in, as to your specific problem, so he will know that when you ask certain questions, he will know if he can be meikel for you due to your situation or not.
Another idea, regarding berries would be to clean and wash them right after they are bought before your husband sees it, this way you are doing what you have to and avoiding friction.
Regarding his low self-esteem, there are plenty of other places for you to show him your respect. For example, when he says something and you like what he says, let him know about it. Instead of saying “that was smart”, you can say, “you’re smart, I like that”. When he does something in the house, take notice of it, and compliment him for it, you can also compliment the way it was done. Doping this once every other day, will boost his self-esteem a lot, and it will also make him more accepting of your feelings regarding halacha.
Hashem should send you a lot of siyata dishmaya
