Question:
Hi,
I find that Hashem rains problems and tzaros down on me. As soon as one problem goes away, another takes its place. Now I'm experiencing some concerning physical symptoms, and I'm worried that I might chas vshalom have some kind of sickness. I’m a good person and I try to do the right thing and mitzvos. I used to do a lot of bad things and aveiros, but I did a lot of teshuva and really turned myself around. I don’t understand why I deserve to be tortured like this. Why is Hashem treating me this way?
Answer:
I feel bad for you. It is very difficult when a person is going through problem after problem, and it can feel overwhelming. We need tremendous strength to weather the storm, and we would like to be of assistance in any way we can.
When a person goes through tremendous difficulty, the question often arises, why? Why is Hashem doing this to me? We wish we had the answers, because then we would see the purpose in our suffering. A child who goes to the hospital thinks everyone there is just plain cruel, but an adult sees it differently because he understands what the doctors are doing. Does it make it easy? No, but it helps.
We are taught that Hashem is our father, and He wants our ultimate good. In fact, it is written (Yeshaya 63-9) ובצרתם לו צר, that when we suffer, Hashem is suffering together with us. Just like a mother who brings her sick baby to the hospital, the baby is suffering. The mother isn’t sick, but she is suffering, perhaps even more than the baby is. It is the same with Hashem. We don’t know the reason for our suffering, but He does, and He knows what is best for us. Nevertheless, He is still suffering together with us, specifically because we are suffering and because He feels our pain.
Why does Hashem bring suffering upon us? We don’t know. Maybe it is in order to get us to daven more and harder. Maybe it is in order to help us grow stronger in emuna and to trust Hashem that He knows what He is doing?
There is an idea brought in the Ohr Hachaim, which is not easy, but it helps. He says that by accepting the difficulty and not emotionally fighting it, this is an antidote for the pain and helps to alleviate and minimize the difficulty. Yes, this takes time to work on, but it helps us emotionally and can also cause Hashem to either take the difficulty away or at least minimize it.
Hashem should help so that you shouldn’t be sick, and He should also help you out of all your difficulties.
Best wishes
