Question:
B"H
Kavod haRav,
Thank you for your help.
I work as a teacher in a kiruv program for boys and girls under bar/bat mitzvah age. An adult said to me in front of one of the children that the child is their relative. I responded, right in front of the child, saying "he's great, he's doing amazing." The relative then said "him???" with a surprised reaction (I judge the relative favorably, and maybe they meant him? you're not praising him enough, he's so great... for the purposes of the question, the question is how to understand the halacha if it was meant as a put down of the child)
1. If the relative meant it negatively, would my praise of the child be considered avak lashon hara? How I understand the halacha is that it says not to praise in front of enemies, but I did not feel that I was doing that. Also, my intent was kiruv oriented, to build the child up...
2. If what I said was avak lashon hara, should I ask mechila (soon) from the child in a general way?
3. If mechila is required, should it be done after the boy is bar mitzvah again?
Thank you sincerely
Answer:
Hello,
The Chofetz Chaim (Hilchos Lashon Hora 9-1) writes that a person should not praise another in the presence of the person’s enemies, because it can prompt them to speak against the person. When you told the relative that the child is doing great, you weren’t speaking in front of the relative’s enemy, nor were you overly praising the child. Therefore, although the relative spoke incorrectly about the child, you did not speak avak lashon hora.
Best wishes
