Question:
Is yichud permitted in a case when remarrying an ex wife when both sides are meeting together after they have mutually decided they will remarry each other and are spending further time together to establish a stronger relationship or are they like 2 strangers?
If there is yichud is it mutar in a situation where others can enter the room whenever they decide to or are asked by the 2 to come in whenever they want to consider it not yichud? If yes does this also include if they are alone in a house- vs. just a room in a house with others outside who are able to enter when they decide to? Also does any of these halachos differ by night then by day? Please get back to me ASAP as it is relevant already starting tonight. We would appreciate the halacha not stringencies that would hinder the ability to strengthen our relationship in order to have a good marriage this time around.
Answer:
Hello,
It's wonderful that you both decided to remarry, and I wish you much success in your new marriage. It's important to strengthen and rebuild your relationship; however, until you actually remarry, the halachos of yichud still apply. Yichud is not permitted between you, as right now you are not married and halachically you are strangers to each other. On the other hand, since you know each other very well, especially having been married before, this creates an extra high yichud risk. Due to this high-risk factor, there are additional restrictions, such as not living in the same courtyard and not talking to each other unless necessary. In fact, if the two of you seclude yourselves, the woman might need another get (Even Haezer 149-2)!
Therefore, it is in your best interest to work on your relationship, but make sure you avoid yichud. I cannot recommend having outsiders come in, because according to many authorities, this doesn’t help for two people who are friendly with each other. Even more so with two people who have been married before and were intimate. If there are people accompanying both of you—two during the day and three at night—it wouldn’t be yichud. On the other hand, you need to strengthen your relationship, but it should be done in more public settings. Hotel lobbies, restaurants, parks where there are many other people are places that will help you stay away from yichud.
Given this situation, your circumstances are quite delicate and complicated, so the best course of action would be for you to get married as soon as possible.
Hashem should send the two of you true shalom bayis and a kesher shel kayama.
Best wishes
