When to accept situations, and when to daven, and why?

Question:

1. If Hashem does what is best for us, why do we need to daven, because whether we do or not, He is (apparently) already doing what’s best for us?
2. How do we determine how much to pray to remove certain situations, e.g., illness, for a match, or for a child, and when we should just accept this situation?

Answer:

Good question.

1. I once heard a very nice answer to this question from Rav Zev Leff shlit”a. He answered it with a moshul. A person who has hardening of the arteries, and he goes to the doctor, the doctor will recommend one of three forms of treatment based on the severity of his condition. If the condition is only mild, he will take pills to open the arteries. If the pills are not enough to open the arteries, he will recommend exercise, which might be painful, in order to force the blood through the arteries. If, however, the condition is severe and the person's legs are already gangrenous, he will have no choice but to amputate the leg.

If the patient is at the middle level, and the doctor recommends surgery or pills that won’t work, he is causing serious harm to the patient, as each patient needs their own form of therapy based on their condition.

It is the same with us. Sometimes, Hashem sees that we need certain pains to lower our haughtiness, which is the cause of many aveiros, or to bring us to do teshuva. When we daven, we work on emuna and realize that we are not the ones running the world; Hashem is. When we daven, we are in a way asking Hashem, 'I am growing and correcting myself, so maybe now you can stop this form of treatment, and a different situation might be better for me.'

Another point is that there is a rule Hashem often uses: that even if a certain goodness is meant to come to us, it will not be granted until the person davens for it. We see this when Hashem created the world (see Rashi Bereishis 2-5); even though the plants were created on the fourth day, they didn’t sprout until the sixth day, when Adam was able to appreciate them and daven for it. Therefore, even if the yeshua is meant to come, we still need to daven for it.

2. Never give up. Many people marry very late, and some have children even when they are quite old. It can be hard not to lose hope, but we must understand that no tefillah is ever wasted. Sometimes, tefillos are used for different issues that may arise later if they are saved for a future time. There are parents whose children have gone off the derech, and they cried and davened, but despite their efforts, it didn’t seem to help their children. However, sometimes the grandchild miraculously returns and becomes a great person. The tefilloh may not work immediately, but it still isn’t wasted.

Best wishes