Miscarriage Niddah

Question:

Hello,

My wife has had 4 consecutive miscarriages. She may be having a 5th one now too (we have a follow-up appointment with the doctor this week).

My wife has depression and she is on strong anti-depressant medication.

Part of the miscarriage process is that she become Niddah.

I want to know if I can hold her hand, hug her, to give her emotional support in this very difficult time for her while she is in 1)hospital and 2)when she is back at home? (He mother is not the type to offer emotional support or physical affection).

For my understanding what can be done in such a circumstance?

Thank you

Answer:

Hello,

Wow. Hashem should send you a yeshua soon. This is very difficult and trying.

Let me share something I once heard from Horav Zaidel Epstein zt"l about his family. His mother had only one daughter, then 7 children who died shortly after birth, and then one son (R' Zaidel Epstein) after that. The daughter didn't have any children, and he only married at age 31 to a girl of 31. Things looked bleak. However, with time, Hashem made up for it all, and when he was niftar, he had hundreds of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He used to talk about Dan, the son of Yackov, who had only one son, who was deaf. But from this one deaf son, later on, when they counted the Jews in the desert, they were the second-largest shevet (60k). It is very hard right now, but IY"H you will have other healthy children.

Regarding your question, touching one's wife when she is a nida, in an affectionate way, even holding hands, is an issur d'orayso, and I can't permit it. Maybe she has a sister or close friend who can give her the physical affection that she needs. Even regarding yourself, there are many non-physical ways you can show her support and sympathy. Be there for her, give her emotional support, and do whatever you can (within the parameters of halacha) to show her that you care for her. Daven for her that she should find comfort and support, and do whatever you can. IY"H, in the zechus of keeping the halchos, even though it is so trying, Hashem will reward you with more children who will give you and your wife much nachas and joy.

Best wishes