Question:
Hi,
I have a question regarding friends who are off the derech. Thanks in advance. From 18 to 24 I grew up with friends that weren’t frum (Don’t keep Shabbos and don’t 100% believe there is a god) (rachmana litzlan) the last year I’ve become very religious (although I’ve always kept) to the point where I have almost no interest in hanging out with them. How can I distance myself from the relationships without causing them pain, and is it permitted to still stay in touch with them or even go on a yearly vacation with the group?
Answer:
Hello,
Being that you are now religious and they aren’t, essentially you are running different types of lives, and often you will be busy doing the things you feel are important in life, rather than just wasting your time. In order to cushion the separation, it should be gradual. It is also important to show them respect, although you aren’t hanging out with them. The degree if relationship that you should have with them, also depends if you feel that the relationship with them is detrimental for you. Taking a vacation with them, can be detrimental to your ruchnius, if they will be doing things that you don’t want to do, i.e. watch movies, that you wouldn’t watch, eating in places that you wouldn’t eat, speaking or doing things that you don’t want to do, etc. On one hand you don’t want to insult them, but on the other hand you have to protect yourself from getting involved in things that will compromise your ruchnius. Therefore, it would be helpful for you to have someone that you can talk to, who knows who you are, and can guide you on a personal level.
Hashem should send you siyata dishmaya
Best wishes
