Dear Rabbi,

If it may be difficult (emotionally or otherwise) is a woman obligated to visit the cemetery on the Yahrzeit of her parent?

How can she honor her parent and fulfill Kibud Av Vaeim on that day? By lighting a Yahrtzeit candle and contributing to charity on that day what else can and should she do?
I want to do the right thing and to honor my mother of Blessed memory

Thank you Rabbi so much for your help and kindness

Answer:

There is no obligation to visit the cemetery on a Yahrzeit. Some have the custom of doing so, and it finds a basis in the Sefer Chassidim (no. 709 – 711) who writes of the virtue for the deceased of doing so.

However, as noted there is no obligation, and therefore you should not feel bad for not going to the cemetery.

The Yahrzeit is certainly a virtuous day for the deceased, and you should of course do what you can. It is customary to light candles and to learn Mishnayos, and you can of course give charity, recite Tehillim, and do other virtuous acts in the merit of the parent.

Best wishes.

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