Question:
Often, I’m embarrassed to say that I have extremely inappropriate thoughts. Thoughts either that are immoral or otherwise atrocious from the fact that I think bad things/wish on other members of Klal Yisroel/heretical thoughts. But in reality, I wouldn’t want to think such things and wouldn’t want ever for such calamities to befall them. I don’t know why I have such things but I do remember that I only started having them after having gazed at a picture of yimach shmoi. I tried looking for a long time at other pictures of tzadikim in the hope that these different thoughts will no longer come but I still have them and they can be atrocious or quite low.
How can I prevent myself from having them? Also, would I be chayav for such thoughts, when often I find, I can’t help having them, as they just appear – and I don’t want to have them.
Thanks
Answer:
Hello,
What you are writing, that sometimes you have inappropriate thoughts, is very normal. Human beings are a hybrid of a neshoma, which only wants to do what is just, correct and righteous, and an animalistic body, which pulls towards bad midos, anger, revenge, and immorality. Chazal tell us that throughout our life there will be a struggle between these two opposing forces, and it is our job to make sure that our neshoma triumphs and gain control over our animalistic instincts. Being that these thoughts are normal, the best thing is not to get worried over them, rather gently think about other, more important, productive things.
Getting worried about these thoughts, is often the work of our yetzer hora, dressed as if he is a big tzaddik. What the yetzer hora really wants is that by our thinking how terrible these thoughts are, he is in fact getting us to think even more about these things. This way he can get us to look down on ourselves, think that we are, bad, and then once we are bad, he can get us to do many other aveiros. Because I am already bad, so what is the difference. He tries to blow this all up from a thought, which even if it was an Aveiro, but the yetzer hora wants to make it in to an “issue”. Therefore, it is best not to think about it too much, and concentrate on the mitzvos that you are doing. Think about how to help other people, say tehillim, listen to a shiura or anyt other constructive occupation, but try to avoid thinking, or even correcting the source of these thoughts.
Hashem should give you a lot of siyata dishmaya.
Best wishes
