I am currently struggling with self loathe and self-harm (I am gaining support through mental health professionals I also want to seek help though Jewish faith) (will also note I was raised in abusive household). I feel so terrible for what I have done to my body and what my urges to self. I feel I have been so disrespectful towards Hashem. but I can’t help hating myself. I seek guidance in this. How do I become less critical.
It is very good that you are reaching out, in order to help yourself, because the hardest step is realizing and admitting to the problem. After realizing and wanting to change, you are already on the right path, and G-d willing, you will get there. Once you realize that you are over critical on yourself, your already more than half way there.
From a Jewish perspective there are a number of approaches you can take. One would be to concentrate on how much Hashem loves us, and how special we are in Hashem’s eyes. By realizing that, hashem knows that we have faults and that we make mistakes, after all He created us with these issues. He wants us to deal with them, and He gave them to us in order to reward us for overcoming these difficulties and getting closer to Him.
It is important to know that Hashem loves us even though we make mistakes. As long as one is alive, teshuva can be done. A person that is working toward making themselves better, is considered to be doing teshuva, and Hashem loves Him. In fact, a person that does teshuva, is loved by Hashem in a very special way. The reason is because the person had to lift himself up from the ashes, and the garbage, and it was difficult, but the person still did it. Hashem appreciates that and loves the person for it.
We don’t have to be perfect we have to try our best. Hashem knows that we have limited capabilities, and He doesn’t demand from us more than what we are capable of doing. So, if we make mistakes, and we all do, we are like a child that got dirty. We wash ourselves off, do teshuva, and continue on while constantly trying to improve ourselves.
Criticalness is a form of yetzer hora, to get us depressed, put us into despair, and then we will lose the drive to improve ourselves. This is why what you are doing is value so much in heaven. You are looking for ways to grow on a personal level, and Hashem values that tremendously.
It might be helpful for you to look in a Jewish bookstore for books that talk on the topic of how much we are cherished by Hashem, how special we are, and how every good deed we do really makes a difference.
I wish you much success, and if there is anything else we can help with, feel free to reach out to us.