Hi Rabbi I hope all is well,
I have a question in Hashkafa, I married my wife 7 years ago and I was in yeshiva at the time and went into Kollel for 2 years while married, upon getting married I did tell her if need be I will work.

However after working for several years i feel that my heart is in learning and I would love to be able to learn in kollel as I don’t mind living with less naturally in order to be in kedusha all day.

What is the guidelines for this? I don’t want to waste 9 hours a day of working for who knows how long, as I feel I am able to live this type of lifestyle that is kollel but my wife cannot.

Also how do I know this is what Hashem wants from me to work instead of kollel and not be learning all day? How do I proceed?

Answer:

This is a difficult and personal question.

However, in a general sense a person must first and foremost fulfill his obligations towards his wife and family, and this means taking responsibility for providing a steady income (have a look at the Kesubah you signed).

The hours you spend working are not wasted, but serve the constructive purpose of fulfilling your obligation towards your family, which is also an obligation towards Hashem.

If circumstances would allow you to learn all day, that might be ideal, but for most people circumstances are not so kind, and we have to earn a living as well as dedicating time to Torah study.

You say that you don’t mind managing with less, but you cannot take such a decision on your own, and it has to be a joint decision with your wife. In addition, when you have more children, please G-d, this might be less simple than it seems now, and without having worked for a number of years the prospects of making a steady income will decrease.

So although I certainly appreciate your desire for Torah study, and I sincerely hope that you will be able to dedicate as much time as possible to Torah, you should not neglect your responsibilities, and any decision you make on this must be in partnership with your spouse.

Best wishes and good luck.

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