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What do I do if my uncle wants to hug me?


I’m asking this question for something that will happen in the upcoming week and I just want tto be sure. Let’s say ones great aunt died and her husband is in deep grieving. Now keep in mind this lady’s husband is my grandmother’s brother. I’m not saying that it will happen but if it would that he would give me, his great niece a hug… what do i do??? I know that I’m not allowed to hug him, but what do I do to prevent it?????


There are a few practical things you can do to prevent this. You can try holding something large in front of you, such as a large pocketbook, or something that needs two hands to hold. It is just very awkward to hug someone when they are holding something, and he isn’t going to ask you to put it down so he can hug you. You can also bow slightly to him, or wave with your hands in grief, it will also make the setting not conducive to hugging. If these things don’t work and he does hug you, just stay still and don’t participate, and hug him back etc. This way at least you aren’t doing any action.

May Hashem help us all overcome our challenges.

Best wishes.


Join the Conversation


  1. Standing still and allowing the hug to take place would be lifnei iver? As well as a violation of the command to rebuke a Jew who is doing an aveira?

    1. If you don’t do anything to cause the aveiro, it isn’t lifnei iver. Understandibly if you can explain it to the uncle, that that is what should be done, but very often it won’t work.

  2. Or you can say you don’t feel comfortable with it but you can salute instead. After all everyone has the right to personal space and feelings.

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