Most of us today who are looking for a Yeshua in any area from shidduchim, parnassa, difficult children, health issues, etc……., turn to the many available segulos, tzedakas, kivrei tzaddikim, etc……..Kupat Haer, R’Meilich M’Lizensk, Amuka, brochos from Rebbes and Gedolim, and the likes. Much time and money is spent on all of the above, which is all good, and I am not chas v’challila knocking it. However, before we go through the time and expense we should all evaluate our priorities and know what The Aibishter really wants from us, and maybe the greatest segula for a Yeshua can be achieved from within! I will describe a scene which I heard today which actually inspired me to write about this. A woman was attending a Simcha this Shabbos in a very well respected Shul inBrooklyn. Being that there were quite a few Simchas that Shabbos, the Ezras Nashim was over crowded. To be more specific, there were hardly enough seats, chumashim, siddurim, etc….To her dismay and disappointment, there were many girls, high school, seminary, and mostly post seminary, who did not offer their seat, siddur, chumash, or even share a chumash and offer the spare to another person!! Why is the mitzvah of “mipnei sayva takum”, taken so lightly? It’s a chiyuv, more than davening or listening to leining! We read in Pirkei Avos that being that we don’t know the schar of mitzvos, we cannot take any mitzvah lightly. It is wonderful that these girls come to Shul on Shabbos and have the feeling of wanting to spiritually connect, however, if by doing this good deed they are overlooking a very important mitzvah, they would be a lot better off by davening at home! I observed one girl in particular, who was davening very ehrlich, and is also in the parsha of shidduchim for quite some time. For some reason she did not budge like the rest. I tried to be “dan l’kaf z’chus”, that maybe there is a reason that she needs the seat, however, couldn’t she share her chumash with her friend and give the spare to someone who didn’t have one? Maybe offering her seat and siddur to the elderly woman standing, was all she needed to bring her right zivug now. That was exactly how Rifka Imeinu clinched her shidduch to Yitzchok. She had the sensitivity and truly cared about other people’s needs above her own. She didn’t think twice about it. Rifka Imeinu was not head of chessed in her school, and did not do chessed rotations in high school or seminary. Caring about some one else’s needs was just in her blood and bones. It came to her naturally. The chessed programs that our schools offer are very nice, however, they are obviously not working at the core of the issue and are not accomplishing true” v’ahavta lirayacha kamocha”. They begin and end as robotic “programs”. I believe that all these girls do chessed daily and are good hearted, however, their priorities are not thought out and their sensitivities are under developed which results in this oversight. There was one positive point that I gleaned from this experience. It is written in Mesechtas Sota that the Dor before the coming of Moshiach will possess a tremendous chutzpah that young ones will not rise for the elderly. After having witnessed this episode, I truly believe that Moshiach is on his way and actually almost here! Let us use our saychel to prioritize on what The Aibishter really wants from us at all times and let us truly be zoche!
Please do not judge our bnos yisroel. If this woman knew what it meant to be in shidduchim, she would never judge a single girl and say, this may be the reason why she is single. Seriously, does the Satan need her help? Perhaps that girl had so much kavanah that she didn’t realize that someone needed a seat. Perhaps the woman next to her didn’t want to share her chumash. We don’t know why someone didn’t yet find their bashert. But to try and find ‘frum’ reasons why someone is single is just so not the Yiddishe way. There are so many wonderful single girls out there. Please daven that they find their bashert. Perhaps instead of writing letters into the Yated, the woman could call up the rebetzin of the shul and discuss the logistics of seating and siddurim when there is a simcha.
I agree that it was incorrect to say that that is the reason she didn’t find her bashert, but on the other hand maybe it is true that girls sjhould be more careful bout this issue.
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