A mother came up with an idea for a Shidduch. However it wasn’t the right time for the mother to start making the phone calls, offering the shidduch, working on it, etc. So she gave it to her daughter. In the end the daughter was able to make the Shidduch (everything was done through the daughter from start to finish.) Is the mother entitled to any money al pi din?

Answer:

Although the original enactment of shadchanus payment was that a matchil (the person who initiates the shidduch) is only paid if he also arranges financial matters, and gets the sides together for a preliminary meeting, the custom today is that the person who comes up with the idea is considered the matchil, and receives a third of the payment (see Pischei Teshuvah, Choshen Mishpat end of 185, citing from Shev Yaakov Choshen Mishpat 13; Aruch Hashulchan; Betzeil Ha-Chochman 3:10).

Therefore, the regular custom will be that the mother will receive a third, and the daughter two thirds.

However, sometimes a mother “gives” the shidduch to her daughter, and if this was the intention, the daughter will receive the entire payment.

Tags: daughter mother shidduch

Share The Knowledge

Not what you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged Matchmaking daughter mother shidduch or ask your own question.

3 Responses to “Mother – Daughter Shidduch: Who Gets Paid?”

  1. I don’t see from the Aruch HaShulchan
    (see here: http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9103&st=&pgnum=543)
    how the one who “comes up with the idea” however they themselves don’t mention it to either side that they should be considered a “maschil”. Please explain.

    He does mention that without the person the idea would have been known then they are not called a maschil only the one then that begins to deal with the pratim. So how from here should the one who had the idea and gave it over to someone else who did all of the work be considered the maschil? (at least according to this Aruch HaShulchan

    • The Aruch Hashulchan (185:12) writes that a person who suggests the shidduch is called a maschil even though he does not go into the details at all. This means that even though he does not do the work of putting the sides together (dealing with the details, such as how much money each sides offers, etc.), and this is obviously done by somebody else, he is still considered a maschil.

  2. R’ Pfeffer –

    Again if you read it carefully you see that the maschil is the one that gives the idea to the 2 sides (not the one who simply throws the idea into the air and then someone else offers the idea to both sides), even though he doesn’t take care of any of the particulars. Still that’s called the maschil.

    In any case see the Pischei Teshuva in Evan Ezer Siman 50 Sif-Katan 16 — already seems to discuss my exact shailo. And from there it seems to be that only if the one with the original idea made the person a shliach with a stipulation to receive money at the end of the shidduch would they be entitled to anything. However if they simply gave over the names to another person without an stipulations that they should receive money if the shidduch goes then they wouldn’t be entitled to any money at the end. What do you say about this source?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *