Question:
I am very shamed to say that when I was pregnant with my son I looked at immodest images/videos.
I want to do teshuvah, however I feel like there is no way to do Teshuva for the spiritual ramifications this has on my son.
Please if you can tell me what I can do?
Answer:
People are people, and people make mistakes- that is why H-shem created the world with the possibility of doing teshuva. You should do the regular teshuva, remorse, which you surely have, confession- which means to tell H-shem that you sinned and that you regret what you did. Then you have to do kabaloah al haasid- accepting upon yourself to be better. I would suggest that you do something to strenthen enhance yourself in the area of tznius, such as being more careful with what you wear, or learning from a sefer that talks about strengthening ourselves in tznius. This will add to your kedusha and to the kedusha of your home, and it will have a positive effect in your son.
Regarding your feelings, it is important for you to do what you can to correct what was done, but after that, it is important for you to forget about it. Move on, and concentrate on building yourself and growing in ruchnius. It is the yetzer hora who wants us to get bogged down with guilt feelings, that I am doomed… I can’t correct… H-shem forgives and He wants us to build. You do what you are supposed to do, and let H-shem take care of the rest… including the spiritual ramifications of your son.
H-shem should help that your son should grow up to be Talmid Chacham and a Yirei Shomayim with good middos.
