Question:

Why does G-d allow people to constantly judge an innocent person, such as me. We can never ask G-d why, but just trying to understand. Judging results, in an act known as humiliation. Plus, humiliation results in act known as “death” – Since, humiliation is extremely painful. A rabbi once said, whatever happens is for the best! We must try our best to find a lesson, from what had occurred. But it’s all my life like this, its an ongoing cycle. Teachers, classmates, father, relatives, people in whom you try to do kindness for, etc. I don’t cause people pain, and if chances were, I’d apologize for it. But, why do people cause me pain and feel proud about it? For instance, the pain feels like a knife being stabbed into your heart, and as much as you try to revive from it – You just are loosing more blood. The second you’re dead, people applaud, rather than feeling sorry for your loss. Is their an inspirational story, that could relate to judgement being a wrong act and a lesson to gain from it (to end this hurt after feeling) that people caused for no reason – upon you?

Thanks!

Answer:

 

This sounds very painful and embarrassing, and it sounds as if you would have rather die than go through that embarrassment. The truth is that G-d doesn’t allow us to judge people, and especially to humiliate others. G-d also doesn’t allow people to kill on another, which chazal say that a person that embarrasses another is similar to have killed him.. Nevertheless He did give people the choice to choose between good and bad. However we are taught by chazal that although a person may choose to do bad to others, they will not be successful unless it is the will of heaven that that action take place. When a person gets embarrassed, it is very painful, and in a way it is similar to the pain and embarrassment that the soul will suffer in the world to come, when it will be clear to everyone the aveiros that the person did. On the other hand, when a person gets embarrassed by another, it serves as a tremendous kapara (atonement) for the aveiros that the person did, and for the minor embarrassment that the person suffered in this world, it takes off tone of embarrassment from the next world. This may sound novel, but the Chofetz Chaim said that if a person would realize just how much they gained by the embarrassments that they suffer, he would pray to H-shem to give him more and more!  (I don’t think he meant to say that we should actually daven for it, but if it already happened, we should accept it and realize that we actually gained a lot as a result). It also happens to be that when a person gets embarrassed, in a certain way, it can even be a kapara for an aveiro that the punishment is death, because in a way it I like the person was killed and went through tremendous pain. The bright side of it is, that the person didn’t die, just got the kapara, and now they can continue living.

On other point, if someone embarrasses and humiliates you, if at all possible, don’t answer the person back. Yes it is a very, very difficult thing to do, but if you do it, then at that time your madreiga goes up tremendously and you can daven for whatever you want and H-shem will answer you. There is a famous story that a childless couple came to R’ C. Kanievsky Shlit”a after 20 years for marriage for a bracha. For whatever reason, he told them that he can not help them, but if they will find a person that got humiliated, but kept quiet, they should ask that person to daven for them, and that zechus will help. Nine months later they were at a chasuna, and there was some of fight between two women neighbors, and screamed at the other in public, for no reason and really humiliated her. She was about to scream at her back, when this childless woman saw, and she ran over to her and called her over to the side and asked her, ”please do me a tremendous favor, I am childless for 20 years already and R’ Chaim told me that his bracha won’t work for us, but what will work is the tefillah of a person that got humiliated, and didn’t answer back. Please do me a favor, don’t answer this woman back, and instead daven that we should have a child”.  The lady listened to her and instead of answering the screamer back, she davened that this poor woman should have a baby… and a little while later she did! That is not the end of the story. This unbelievable story got around, and eventually the neighbor that was screaming heard about the story, and she came to ask mechila from her neighbor.

Keep strong, yes it was very hard for you, but you really did gain from it.

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