Question:
Hi,
When I was 18 years old, I did something immodest and improper.
I made tshuvoh for this and is still doing tshuvoh on this.
Even I feel very bad from doing this aveira, My yetzer hara still repeats in my mind,’this was very cool and lovely’.
What can I do about it?
Do I need to say when I date with a girl, that I did it wans…
Thanks in advance,
Answer:
Hello,
Doing teshuva, is often not merely a one-time process, but often it takes time, especially with these types of aveiros. Since you are a healthy young male, it is understandable that you enjoyed what you did. Hashem made it that way, so it can be used in the right time, with the right person, to make sure this world stays populated, and IY”H you will find you right spouse, and use this power in its proper place.
Nevertheless, being that it is an aviero, that we naturally pulled towards it, the way to work on it, is by removing yourself from the situations that brought you to what was done. Secondly, by involving yourself in other things, and this will take your mind off this topic. In general, if you already did teshuva, don’t dwell on what happened, as that will only serve as a yetzer hora to entice you to relive the Aveiro, etc., and pull you to improper thoughts.
A third, and very important remedy, from the Rambam, is to occupy yourself with thoughts of Torah, as Torah serves, not only as a means to lower your yetzer hora for this, but it also serves as a kapara for the avreiro. The kabala seforim write that Torah learning especially if it is done enthusiastically, until the person breaks out into a sweat, serves as a type of “fire” that burns away the Aveiro. Therefore, Torah learning serves not only as an antidote for these thoughts, but it also burns away the past aveiros.
Dealing with our yetzer hora is a struggle, and Hashem will reward you tremendously for fighting it. And even if you occasionally fall, don’t get discouraged, get back up, as you have already done, and keep on going, and Hashem love you for it.
Best wishes
