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Saying Kaddish Together

Hello and thank you for providing such high quality output.

My question relates to a discussion which comes up at shiva houses, lo aleino.

I have heard that many aveilim do not attend davening at shivas because their saying of kaddish somehow detracts from the kaddish being said for the niftar.

I have asked around and as yet have come across no basis for this practice.

Would you be able to assist please?


The source for this matter is the ruling of the Chasam Sofer (Orach Chaim 159), who writes that a number of aveilim should not recite kaddish together, basing his ruling on the halachos of which person takes precedence in reciting kaddish (Orach Chaim 132)–if all can recite kaddish together, why do we need such halachos? Chasam Sofer explains that the benefit for the niftar of reciting kaddish is that the congregation is inspired to daven for the complete revelation of Hashem: If several people say kaddish together, the inspiration will not come from any specific person, and this well detract from the effect of the kaddish for the niftar.

The Sephardi custom, which is mentioned by the Yaavatz in his siddur, is that many aveilim say kaddish together. The Chasam Sofer cites the custom (from the Yaavatz), but does not concur. Yet, he writes elsewhere that if a rift may result, it is better that all say kaddish together.

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