Question:

Hello, my Mother, more often then not, belittles me in our conversation and regularly informs my children of, (her perception of) my faults.
I was advised by a Rav to speak as little as possible to her.
When my children repeat to me the negative things she says (like belittling me or my spouse), I respond with, “OH, hummm”, or something else non-committal.
My parents, both, have the general attitude, that i am an incompetent child, k’vod Harav I am in my forties!
I realize you may suggest therapy, nearly 20 years ago(!) I had several discussions with a mental health professional, who asked me to get my parents in for a session. The therapist advised them as to “let me make my own mistakes”. but they haven’t changed.
What steps do i have within Halacha to get them to stay out of my life, and if I may, could you provide mareh makoms that could provide my father, to see for himself.
I understand this is not a ‘plain vanilla’ situation,
hatzlacha and thank you

Answer:

From what you are saying, your situation sounds very frustrating. It is very frustrating when you feel your authority is being undermined, especially when it is damaging to the upbringing of your children.

This does seem to be a situation where you need guidance on a regular basis for the different issues that will come up.

Regarding mareh mekomos to show your father why you are distancing yourself from him, I don’t think that is the correct way to do it, as it is going to come out very disrespectful. I might suggest something else, although I don’t know if this is applicable to your situation. Maybe find a calm time, when there are no issues going on, that you can discuss the issue with your father. Explain to him your problem, that there are times that things are said to the children that is damaging to them, and very embarrassing to me. And I would like to discuss what we can do about this to make the situation a little better. Maybe this will help both of you understand each other.

May H-shem help you in you situation, and I really hope things work out better for you

Tags: honoring parents

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