Question:
Hello,
Thank you for your help.
My question deals with accepting gifts during the dating process and if this could potentially impact kiddushin. For example, if a man buys a lady he is dating a piece of expensive clothing, or expensive jewelry (not a ring), as a present, is there any issue that by accepting it, the lady may be “enacting” an unintentional kiddushin? Do both parties need to consent (meaning both parties would have to have the kavana) that any gift given/received would constitute kiddushin for it to take effect? Would there be any circumstance where kiddushin becomes enacted by one person’s intent and not the other (let’s say the man intends to enact a marriage with this lady by buying her an expensive necklace, and the woman does not intend to enact marriage at that time by accepting the expensive necklace, or any item of value…)?
Thanks so much for taking the time to answer, I really appreciate your help.
Answer:
Your point is correct. When a man gives his date a present, it could potentially make a significant problem for them if it does turn into a kiddushin, such as if he says something like, I hope you’ll marry me, when he gives it. Even if he only meant it as a joke, but if two Jews see this it could actually be a kiddushin. Therefore, in general it isn’t a good idea. Nevertheless, if he does give you something, make sure that you have specifically in mind that this is not for kiddushin, and make sure that he doesn’t say anything of the sort. If he does, then make sure to say that at this point it isn’t.
Best wishes and H-shem should send you your bashert really soon.
