Question:
If my parents dont want to let me go 2nd year to seminary, Do I have to listen to them because of Kibbud Av V’em? I know talmud torah is greater but I dont know if this falls under the category, Even though I think itll have a big impact on me.
Answer:
Thank you for your question.
This is a tricky situation. On one hand the halacha, is that a child that wants to learn in a place that will help them grow in ruchnius, is allowed to do so even if it is against the parents’ wishes. The reason is not because talmud torah is greater, but because a child is not commanded to listen to a parent when then ask the child to do something that will hurt them spiritually, such as doing an aveiro. Therefore, the poskim say that a child that wants to learn in a particular place which will be conducive to their ruchnius growth that the child does not have to obey the parent. The poskim also say that his applies to a girl coming to Eretz Yisroel to learn.
It should be noted that this is only the general rule, however each situation has to be evaluated individually, and we can’t say that coming to seminary in Eretz Yisroel is good for everyone. However, if this is indeed the case for you and you know that you will grow better over here then it would apply to you. On the other hand, it is important to know why your parents don’t want you to stay for a second year. Additionally, second year programs are often not the same as the first-year ones, i.e. there are less classes etc. It would be a good idea for you to discuss all of this with your teachers, who understand you and your personal situation, to determine what is really the best for your ruchnius growth.
It should be understood that your parents have absolutely no obligation to pay the extra expense of your being in Eretz Yisroel. If they want to that is very generous of them, but they are not obligated to do so.
Additionally, if you decide to continue for a second year, you have to be careful and very political about how you go about this, as it is also important for you to keep up a good relationship with your parents. Therefore, you will have to balance both things together.
May Hashem steer you in the right direction, and you should row in ruchnius and keep the peace with your parents and build a bayis neeman b’Yisroel.
Sources:
Y:D 240-25, Tzohar 2 Responsa from R’ Sheinberg zt”l.
