Hi, I suffer from OCD, and I unfortunately have thoughts of kefirah, chiruf vegiduf (R”L) etc. during davening.
Am I allowed to receive an aliya or say kadish knowing that these thoughts will or can be present?
I did make a גילוי דעת שמבטל מחשבות רעות גם אם חשבתי
(can be found here http://www.orlanoar.com/index.asp?act=read&go=readFaq&id=40572)
It would definetly reduce my anxiety (and by extension the intensity of these thoughts) if this gilui daas has full halachic validity, and I will no longer need to worry about having (or thinking) these thoughts
Please let me know,
Gmar Chasima Tovah
Without getting into the issue of OCD, which has to be dealt with by a health care professional. In general, thoughtsa like this are common and part and parcel of our standard yetzer hora. Our yetzer hora is a certain force inside of us that pulls us to hurt ourselves. It comes in the form of wanting to do aveiros, which hurts our neshoma, and sometimes it can also be in the form of a person wanting to do something stupid and hurt himself etc. This is a common phenomenon, and many people have it to some degree, and you don’t have to be concerned about it. I know of a reason that when he was a teenager and he was talking to his rabbeim he said that he had fleeting thoughts of hurting them. Of course he never did anything, but such thoughts in general, of doing rash things, are simply yetzer hora. The best way to deal with such thoughts is to stay calm, and gently think about other things, (don’t think about not thinking about these things, because that in itself is thinking about them). I don’t have access to this site, and there is no need for you to do any mesiras modaah, because you don’t mean any of these thoughts as real, and it is only yester hora. However, if making such a statement will make you feel calmer, then by all means, you can do so. In truth the calmer you will be about them the less of them you will have. (This is a proof that all of these thoughts are not really you…)
Have a gmar chasima tova