I see that the photographers at simchos are telling husband and wives to pose either holding hands or putting hands on spouse’s upper torso. Is this ossur if not a nida? What are the ramifications? Should I allow this to be done at my simcha if I am against it? What should I tell my children when I tell them not to?
While it is hard to say that it is assur, such practices are definitely not in the spirit of Torah. It seems that these ideas are coming from the secular world, where weddings are a show of outer romance, and these ideas have unfortunately also seeped into our community. The photographers, often are looking to get the most romantic pictures of the couple that they can, (unfortunately because this is what people want), therefore they ask them to make such poses. The Torah’s hashkafa on this is that the affection shown between a man and his wife are a private personal matter, and it isn’t for show to anyone else. It is written in Shulchan Aruch that a married couple should not hold hands or do anything else that shows affection to each other in public. The reason for this is because it causes immodest thought to those who see it.
In practical terms, if the couple can understand that such pictures are beneath their level, then you can ask the photogragher not to take such pictures, ( If it is a photographer that deals with the frum community they will understand this). Regarding your children, it depends on who they are and their willingness to agree. If they themselves don’t want it, it can be explained to them that their love for each other and shows of intimacy, are a tzniusdik issue, and that it isn’t proper for them to be photographed this way. Additionally, by acting tznusdik, they are bringing the shechina into their home and relationship. If the couple want it or for any other reason you don’t feel that you can say anything about it, you might not be able to say anything to them. It might be possible to say something gently to the photographer, but for this you have to assess the situation to determine what to do.
You should have much nachas from the new couple, and they should be zoche to build a bayis neeman b’Yisroel
רמ”א אבה”ע ס’ כ”א סע’ ה’ והטעם לזה משום שגורם הרהורים אצל אחרים. ברה כחמה ס”ק פ”ג והמקור לזה ע’ ב’ הגר”א שם וכן גמ’ ב”ב נ”ח. שהתיר לר נבאה לראות איך שאברהם שוכב בחיק של שרה כיון שאין יצה”ר בעולם ההוא.