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Kavod haRav,
Thank you for your help.
A lady and man go out on a date. The man pays for the dinner. In a phone call after the date (several days later), the man is explaining something to the lady, regarding what is said in Gemara Kiddushin, and says the words to her over the phone “Harei at mekudeshet li.”
The question is: Please confirm that because he bought her food several days prior and then said that line over the phone that there was no “accidental” kiddushin. (She proceeded to end the dating soon after this was said, indicating she did not want to proceed, and she had no intention to effect any kiddushin…) Meaning that even if someone did hear him say those words over the phone, it would not effect a kiddushin because the lady never intended that, and from what I understand, a lady cannot be acquired against her will…
Thank you




The case you are describing does not sound like there is anything to be concerned about. The man didn’t say those words as part of a kiddushin ceremony, rather in regard to what the gemora is saying. Secondly, the food that he gave her no longer exists, and one can not be mekadesh a woman if he doesn’t give her something at the time of the ceremony. Additionally, there were no witnesses to testify that he was marrying her. Therefore the case as you wrote it would not be any concern that she is married to him. additionally even if someone did hear him say those words over the phone, they can not verify that the woman was on the other end.

as a side point people have to be very careful not to play games like this, (not that he meant to play around, however when people do play around like this, as) it can have very serious repercussions.

Best wishes


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