Question:
On several occasions, my friend breached my confidence by repeating our private conversations to other people and did not respect my privacy in other matters as well. I confronted her and clearly warned her to stop this behavior. She responded that she was very sorry and gave a different excuse for each episode, ranging from her poor judgment to my high standards. She never told me that she wouldn’t do it again. When I said I could not forgive her since her apology was incomplete, and that I was not reassured that she won’t repeat her offenses, she said she “couldn’t promise she wouldn’t do it again in the future- because she doesn’t want to lie, and how could she possibly know- but she’s 100% committed to trying”. Did she properly fulfill the “kabbala l’haba” component of asking for forgiveness?
Answer:
The issue that you have over here is not really if she made a proper “kabala al ha’asid” or not. That is an issue regarding her doing teshuva to H-shem. What you really want to know is if she sincere when she tells you that she will 100% try. Does she mean that she will try, but she can’t guarantee it, because there are things beyond her control. or is it just a cover speech that she is giving you. If you feel that she is sincere then you should try your best to be mochel her, and forget the ill felling that you have towards her about what was done. However if you feel that she is not sincere about what she told you, you don’t have to me mochel her, although it would still be a commendable thing to do. We all do things that H-shem told us not to do, and we also want H-shem to be mochel us
