Question:
I have learned that if a woman starts to daven Maariv, she should stipulate bli neder. However, I have been davening Maariv consistently now for a while and I dont think I ever said bli neder. What should I do in this situation? There are situations where I see that it is not the right thing for me to do because I am sick or need to take care of something for my family, but am not sure if I can stop without being matir neder. What does it mean practically to be matir neder?
Thank you very much.
Answer:
Hello,
If you were in shul during Kol Nidrei and you said along with the chazan, that would be as if you made a declaration that you don’t want any neder that you make in the future to take effect, and it would help for this type of neder. Otherwise, you would have to be matir neder. This means that you would need three men, oe of them that understands what nedarim are about, and preferable a Rov. The Rov will ask you, “had you known at the time that you started davening Maariv that at somepoint you would regret that it became a neder, would you have still made the neder? The answer to that would be No. Then the three men will say muter lach, muter lach, muter lach, and then you should say that your davening maariv from now on should be bli neder. This doesn’t mean that you regret the good things you did, but only the stigma of the neder.
Best wishes
