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counting wedding as miser

Question:

I am BH making a wedding for my son soon and it will cost 40,000 NIS. I also told him I would try my best to pay for their first year of rent another 48,000 NIS for a year. People raise money all the time for weddings, why can’t I count as maaser for my own kids wedding. Parents aren’t obligated to pay for these things, yes many do but they don’t have too.

I would like to know more about this, is it just a big b’dieved or is it perfectly acceptable to count this as maaser. If you can provide sources for the answer that would be appreciated. Would like to know also if there is a difference in counting the whole thing as maaser or partial.

Thank you

 

Answer:

The young couple should be zoche to build a bayis neeman b’Yisrael.

Regarding your question, you are correct, parents aren’t halachically obligated to pay for the wedding expenses, therefore it is permitted for a parent to use maser money for a child’s wedding expenses. Therefore, if the father had in mind to use maser money to pay for the wedding before obligating himself, then he may use maser money for it. However, after he already obligated himself, then using the maser money would be like paying one’s personal obligations from maser, which we don’t do.

One other point, a person should not use all of his maaser money for his relatives, but should save some in order to give out to other people.

Sources:

Tzitz Eliezer 9-1 chap. 4, also see B’orach Tzedaka 11-82 who brings this idea from the Maharsham 1-32, Shut Simchas Kohen 2 Y:D 79-3. The Chasam Sofer (brought in Pischei Teshuva Y:D 249-2 says that there is a preference not it use more than half of one’s maaser for a child’s wedding and the support of one’s children in kollel.

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